Shorter Missoulian:
Montana Democrats: [drooling, breathless] “Look! Look! Gov. candidate Roy Brown took money from a tax cheat!”
Donor in question: [hey deer; look, headlights!] “I’m not the cheat; now get off my lawn, you idiots. I should have donated to the underwater basket weaving club.”
Montana Republicans: [incredulous, breathless] “The Democrats MUST apologize for this horrific slander!”
Democratic Governor: [large, round, innocent eyes; deeply sincere tone] “I wish these attacks would just stop, my opponent should be pigeonholed into running a clean campaign, as I define it. By the way, does that exonerated donor want to give any cash to me?”
Reporter: [checks off template items] “Conrad Burns, Jack Abramoff”
Obtuse icing on the excrement cake: “political experts say the Abramoff scandal did not help [Burns’] chances in a close race with Democrat Jon Tester”
I think I need to go ice fishing.
Comments 10
I’ll bring the beer.
Posted 23 Jan 2008 at 10:16 pm ¶I hear there may be a good deal on some scratch and dent Kokanee.
Posted 23 Jan 2008 at 10:39 pm ¶Yeah, pointing at contributers is pretty lame but potent.
Posted 24 Jan 2008 at 12:04 pm ¶Do you really think it potent? Does the average Montanan care at all? You and I may, on occasion, use such tools to poke each other with, but I’d be surprised if most anyone ’round these parts just didn’t skip those articles entirely and go straight to the sports section. Come to think of it, I think I’m becoming one of them.
Posted 24 Jan 2008 at 10:26 pm ¶More importantly, did you catch any ice?
Posted 25 Jan 2008 at 5:45 pm ¶Heh, that depends on the definition of ‘catch’, I suppose. Does it count if you keep trying to pick it up with your butt cheeks? I think I need to invest in some ice creepers, but I’m afraid to try them on.
Posted 25 Jan 2008 at 9:39 pm ¶I booshit you not, I saw that truck roll through town today.
It was a smashed up Kokanee truck heading through the I-15 interchange at Cedar.
I ’bout went nuts, but no one was there to appreciate it.
Posted 30 Jan 2008 at 9:56 pm ¶Nothing like a perfect moment that no one notices. Your fellow drivers probably thought you were insane, bouncing around in your vehicle like that. Oh, well; it’s still funny. Good update.
Posted 31 Jan 2008 at 9:41 am ¶John McCain is trying to cheat and lie to win this election. It’s just like when he cheated on his disabled wife and eventually divorced her for his rich, younger mistress.
It’s also like the Keating 5, when McCain cheated the American tax payers out of hundreds of millions of dollars.
Since McCain can’t really talk about his senate record (amnesty, against tax cuts, 50 cent gasoline tax, etc.) he tries to play up his “character”. I think his character is despicable. Cheating on and divorcing a crippled wife, wow that’s bad.
Mitt is going all the way!!!
Posted 03 Feb 2008 at 9:54 pm ¶Here’s the ugly truth about McCain’s record:
Posted 03 Feb 2008 at 9:55 pm ¶-IMMIGRATION: he wrote the bill granting amnesty to illegal immigrants (co-sponsored by Ted Kennedy)
-SOCIAL SECURITY: he voted to give your social security money to illegal immigrants
-TAXES: he voted against the Bush tax cuts multiple times (he has since flip-flopped and has campaigned as a lifelong tax-cutter)
-RHETORIC: he routinely engages in Democratic class warfare against big companies in America, particularly the “evil” drug companies who research cures to debilitating diseases for a profit
-ECONOMY: as recently as December 2007 he admitted “he does not know the economy very well” and needed to get better at it
-1ST AMENDMENT: he wrote the McCain-Feingold campaign finance bill that was declared to be an unconstitutional infringement of the 1st Amendment (co-sponsored by ultra-liberal Democrat Russ Feingold)
-2ND AMENDMENT: he was called the “worst 2nd amendment candidate” by the president of the NRA
-EQUAL PROTECTION: lifelong supporter of affirmative action
-ENERGY TAX: wrote a bill (co-sponsored by his buddy Lieberman) imposing a massive tax on energy which, according to the Department of Energy, would drastically raise the price of gasoline and put 300,000 Americans out of work
-GLOBAL WARMING: supports radical global warming legislation which involved him voting with every Democrat; think only America is responsible to take action, not other superpowers
-JUDGES: he joined forces with Democrats (Gang of 14) to block the Senate Republican’s attempt to confirm conservative, strict constructionist judges; also said Alito was too conservative for his liking
-WAR ON TERROR: fought with Hillary Clinton to demand that terrorists be given a full American trial
-GAY MARRIAGE: he joined liberals to fight against a federal marriage amendment supporting the institution of traditional marriage
-CHRISTIANS: campaigning in 2000, he famously described Christian leaders as “agents of intolerance”
-PRO-LIFE: he filed an amicus brief against pro-life advocates in Wisconsin
-BI-PARTISANSHIP: he met with leading Democrats in 2004 to discuss the possibility of being John Kerry’s Vice-President; publicly considered leaving the Republican Party in 2001 after he lost the primary
-INTELLECT: finished 894 out of 899 in his class in the Naval Academy.
-PROFESSIONAL ETHICS: ringleader of the infamous Keating 5 ethical scandal which cost US tax payers $160 billion (Google it)
-PERSONAL ETHICS: McCain cheated on his first wife after she had a severe accident that left her partially disabled. He then divorced her and married his multi-millionaire mistress, whose daddy bought McCain a spot in the Congress
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